Can You Survive an RPG Game?

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Stephen going on and Daniel doing his own thing. What the heck Stephen: I would still like to find those elves Can we find those elves this time Daniel? Can you please give us satisfaction this time? Daniel: I’m sorry It’s been eight months and everybody’s gone away to do their own- Stephen: I still wanna murder these things! Daniel: Okay? Okay, Stephen.

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Just breathe It’s gonna be alright. Hosuh: What are we doing? Daniel: So today you’re gonna be a side character trying to keep this idiot protagonist from dying Hosuh: Wait, so pretty much what Daniel’s been doing so far? Daniel: So this idiot protagonist is walking around the town.

NPCs are asking him the dumbest stuff. He’s accepting every single quest. *laughing* Housh: Here’s a side quest. Collect 13 feathers for me, please.

Stephen: I would like to murder him. Can I still murder people? Daniel: No, you’re his friend. *Stephen sighs* Trying to keep him alive. Stehen: I will not fetch you chickens I will not fetch you- Daniel: The protagonist turns to you and says “Hey Stephen, can you can you walk this dog for me real quick?”

I’m gonna go get that other side quest. Stephen: I ask whoever the quest giver is What are you gonna give us if we finish your quest. Your stupid ugly quest?

How many adjectives do I have to add before they get the point? I slap the guy. Roll the die for me! Daniel: You get a two. You fail.

You said: “Okay sure, protagonist. I’ll do it.” *laughing* Hosuh: Can Hosuh tell Daniel “Let’s go and find a guild or something. That’ll give us proper quests that we can do.” Alright roll. Daniel: Hey, you got a six.

Daniel: You managed to convince the protagonist. Hosuh: Alright, let’s go to a guild. Daniel: And the protagonist says: “Hey, I know a good guild master – my uncle. Hosuh: Oh no Stephen: I feel like this is leading to a bad thing. Hosuh: I think so.

Daniel: So they walked to the house the protagonist uncle lives in and while they walk in They hear the uncle say: “Man, there’s such a population problem in this country. Only if I had the protagonist’s power. The dragon beast master slayer. Man, then I can make everybody as pure as I am.” Hosuh: I think this uncle’s as delusion Daniel.

Stephen, what should we do? Stephen: What I’m thinking we just kill them. What’s your idea? Hosuh: No, I say we just fail him not kill him. Go to a different guild. Daniel: As Hosuh and Stephen whisper what to do, Daniel slams door open says: “Oh hi, uncle!

We’re here.” The uncle says “Oh hello, nephew.” “I just happen to find this perfect quest for you to do.” “Go to this dark dungeon alley without any of your weapons and pick up something that I left behind over there. Don’t worry, It’s not dangerous at all and you’ll definitely not die.” *maniacal laugh* Stephen: Okay, so he so sounds legit, let’s do this Daniel: Oh Stephen finally there’s something you and I can agree on my uncle is- Stephen: Yes, let’s do this please.

Daniel: -the most trustworthy man that I’ve ever known in my life. Stephen: I agree. He sounds like a great person. Let’s go with him All right, Daniel, so I leave my staff on the table. Daniel: And Daniel leaves the sword on the table as well. Hosuh: Stephen, hide the staff and your- Stephen: Hide the staff in my pants.

Hosuh: Yes. Okay. I’ll hide my staff in my pants It’s a pretty big staff. So I mean like it’s hard to hide in all these robes. But yeah.

Daniel: So the protagonist and the two side characters walk into this dark mysterious cave. You can hear the water drip down and it echoes all the way inside the cave. The protagonist says: “Man, this is great!”

“I wonder where that thing that the uncle left. I forgot what I said.” Hosuh: I have a question. Can we just pick up a rock and say: “Okay. I found the thing now, what do we do?”

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Daniel: Suddenly a bunch of goblins come out of nowhere. Stephen: Well shucks! Daniel: Without question they try to attack you. What do you do? Hosuh: Before the fight?

I think I should buff. I’ll buff Daniel. Daniel: Okay. Stephen: Well, I already don’t care. Daniel: Five. All right, you buff Daniel.

Daniel punches the Goblin in the face and the Goblin goes down Daniel says: “I’m invincible” and he keeps on running at the goblins. He gets attacked. He’s damaged.

What do you do? Stephen: I try to res the Goblin body. Daniel: You’re you’re you’re one. They don’t revive. Stephen: Oh my god, I would like to check this die. Alright, so I can’t rez the thing.

What do I do? Hosuh: Can we try to negotiate with the goblins? Daniel: Okay. Roll. Hosuh: Or, we just killed all of them. Daniel: Oh you got a 5.

Hosuh somehow manages to stop the goblins from attacking. Hosuh: Wait guys! Stephen: What the heck? Hosuh: Don’t attack! Okay, I’m sorry that my friend killed your friend, but I think there’s been a mistake What’s going on?

I got you guys Yeah Daniel’s goblin voice: Well, this stranger man came along gave us a bunch of money saying if there’s anyone that comes in this cave We should kill them and and he said he’d give us a lot of money if we did so, you know This is so that’s what we’re trying to do. Hosuh: Can we give you more money? Stephen: No, that’s stupid. Don’t don’t negotiate with terrorists. Okay Daniel: Daniel gets a curious look on his face and pulls out a convenient photo of his uncle and says: “Is this the man that told you to kill me?”

Goblin: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s that’s the guy Hosuh: Oh, we did not see that coming. Whoa Stephen: Wow.

What? That guy is bad? Daniel: Daniel is silent. He seems to have this dark serious and thinking face. “Huh,” says Daniel.

I guess well, my uncle really wanted me to find was an adventure. Stephen: Oh my god. Can I roll to kill Daniel? Can I roll to kill Daniel?

Daniel: You roll one. Daniel: You guys managed to walk away from the situation but Daniel’s still not convinced that his uncle is the evil person. Stephen: I think we should mind-control these goblins and report false information to the uncle.

Daniel: Hey, you got a five. Good job Stephen: Okay, so go back to the uncle and say: “Okay. We killed them.” Now. We want the money. Daniel: Oh sure.

Okay. Goblin: Oh We killed a guy. We killed the dragon-piece-master-slayer.

The evil uncle: Oh I see. Here, take this filthy golden. And get out of my sight. Stephen: Delicious.

I want the Goblin to give it to Stephen. Hosuh: Let’s never see your uncle ever again this runaway- Daniel: What? I love my uncle. He’s my only relative.

Stephen: You know what? I have a better idea. Hosuh: Mmm-hmm. Stephen: Can I kill random NPC children?

Daniel: Technically? Yes. Hosuh: What are you trying to do? Stephen: Okay, Daniel So the first thing in any good RPG is leveling up because you get more skills. Daniel: Yeah, that’s right!

Stephen: Yeah, so let’s go find some weak bosses to hit. Daniel: Okay Stephen: Alright, so see this NPC right here. She’s really weak cause she’s really young and she’s probably ten years old I want you to hit her really hard so that you get lots of exp. Okay? Daniel: She seems pretty innocent to me.

Stephen: Well she has a cloak of evil. Daniel: Oh. I see. Then he stabs the kid in the heart.

Hosuh: Oh my gosh! Hosuh: Oh, okay. I don’t know if we are going into the right direction right now. *laughing* Daniel: Just rewind back.

I can’t. Daniel: Daniel hits the girl in the face. Hits the girl in the face.

Stephen: Okay, Daniel. So, um, that was good but that was a joke so don’t do that. Daniel: Okay Stephen: All right.

So here’s what we’re gonna do. So my idea was transform into his uncle murder the Goblin and then half the Goblin limped to Daniel and say: “Your uncle did this to me.” Hosuh: It’s not gonna get through it.

He’s gonna say: “Oh my god. He’s such a hero!” He killed a goblin by himself. *Daniel laughs* Stephen: Shut up, Hosuh. Stop poking holes in my logic.


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